Soon To Be A Hotspot, Not A Hideout...

THE ESCONDITE (The Hideout) - www.theescondite.com

410 Boyd St. 

Los Angeles, CA 90013

I’M BACK BITCHES!  I haven’t written for a while, been busy reopening and running a restaurant, consulting, playing an asshole on a recent Food Reality Show and even dropping in on Kitchen Nightmares…  But I’m glad to be writing again especially when I get to come back with something as cool and unique as The Escondite.

So I stopped in on Sunday afternoon with my brother.  First off, it's easy to find.  Parking was free and easy as there's a lot next-door.  There's patio that has a completely unobstructed view of Downtown.  It must look glorious at night, but it was daytime and hot as an Egyptian camel's balls outside so we definitely weren't chillin on the patio.  But at night, that's where I'd be.  

Inside, the decor is amazingly simple yet has so much personality and character.  The bar itself almost feels like it's a character or has it's own unique voice.  The place is covered with distressed wood that has such a natural rough looks.  The booths, antler lighting over the bar, an old time Coo-Coo Clock, brick wall, blown up western comic books on the wall really define the space.  The back bar is epic, the woodwork is phenomenal.  Brian the owner told us he found the piece in Prague and it's from 1410.  This piece alone would make any bar or restaurant exponentially better.  Kinda like great tits on a chick.

Just looking at the bar I was jealous it wasn't mine.  

When it comes to the bar program, they know what's up.  They don't have Patron...THANK THE FUCKIN LORD!  Finally a bar owner that realizes Patron is crap and tastes like aluminum.  If it weren’t in rap songs it would be as popular as Zima.  Their tequila selection is great, Milagro Selects, RAH, Herradura and Fortaleza.  When it comes to Bourbons and Scotches they have 'em all.  A really solid selection.  They have about 12 bottled beers and maybe 7 draft, but quality selections, no Bud or shitty domestics.  

When it comes to the food, I'd just describe it as fun!  Food with a personality.  The French Fries are hand cut daily and honestly with the secret seasoning they put on them maybe the best French fries I've ever had!  I would be happy getting fat eating their French fries and happier that then I could get on The Biggest Loser then go back and get fat on their fries again.  We had the buffalo mushrooms, basically lightly battered and fried mushrooms in a buffalo sauce.  My brother doesn't like mushrooms but he liked these.  The Escondite (sandwich) is like a Chicago poorboy and dipped in the au jus it was super doper tasty, lots of flavor and I appreciate any place that uses gardinera (Italian hot peppers, like BayCities).  We also had the Captain Kangaroo Burger and the Herve Villachez(sp?) Burger.  The Captain Kangaroo Burger is one of the best breakfast style burgers I've ever had.  It comes complete with a perfect crispy hash-brown and over e-z egg.  The Herve Villachez Burger was tasty as well and introduced us to something new, cream cheese on a hamburger, it also had jalapenos...I know what you're thinking, but you're wrong, it was delicious.  If you don't like cream cheese on a hamburger just go die.  I don't wanna know you or ever hear of your pathetic existence.  Both burgers were ordered medium rare and both came out cooked perfectly.  The meat was tender and juicy, seasoned nicely and just really good quality meat.  

I live on Westside, if I want a burger my first choice is 26 Beach Cafe in Venice, but if I lived in closer to downtown The Escondite would be that spot.  The owners Erin and Brian are two of the most radical, personable and fun bar owners I've ever met...  Ask Brian to tell you a story, cause while he looks kinda scary he's really crazy funny.  If you don't like them or the bar, then just go away.  As a native Los Angelino I'm happy to speak for all of us and say we won't miss you and you probably wouldn't have made it as an actor anyway.  

A Tequila Tasting

The night wasn't suppose to be about Tequila or even drinking for that matter.  I had a water down Sangria with my shitty Mexican dinner and that was gonna be it.  However, things seem to happen when you're least expecting them and now the morning after, sitting here tired, worn out, a little slow, possibly still drunk, but definitely and shockingly not hungover, I'm shocked I even remember the tequila tasting from last night.

It all started with the ordering of a Dos Equis.  As the bartender poured it the 901 Tequila bottle caught my eye.  I had just heard about 901 a few days ago.  It's a new ultra premium tequila.  They have some great commercials that remind me of those short movies that BMW did a while back.  They are owned by Justin Timberlake, for whatever that's worth.  So the first shot was poured.  Straight up.  No lime.  No ice.  I sipped it.  And it was just like the slogan, "Uncommonly Smooth".  Shockingly smooth almost.  I typically drink Don Julio, sometimes Patron (which I don't really enjoy) or Casa Noble, but 901 knocked all three of them out.  After another shot and another Dos Equis I left the bar and parked the car knowing I'd be better off leaving it behind.  

I ended up in another local bar, which also had the 901, but only one drinks worth.  After handling it and talking with the bartender/owner about tequilas he was fired up, he wanted to show off his Milagro Silver Select Barrel Reserve.  Who was I to deny him this joy when all I had to do was drink it.  So he poured a little for himself and a lot more for me.  The Milagro Sliver Select Special Reserve is good, very good.  It's smooth, really easy to sip and has some interesting citrus and woody flavors for a silver.

Since I was drinking tequila, the owners favorite and maybe drinking too fast, he was excited to pour me the next one.  He peers around searching for something to pour me, sees an unopened bottle and breaks it open.  It's brand new tequila called Peligroso, which in Spanish means dangerous.  If the quality of the tequila was solely based on the branding and bottles you'd think Peligroso would'a been a winner.  That wasn't the case as it was really spicy and came with a lot of bite.  Neither of us were fans.  

Next he poured me the Frida Kahlo, but I wasn't impressed so we moved on.  

What happened next was great.  He looks back at his bottle options, looks at me and then it was like a lightbulb went off in his head.  He grabs this tall rectangular bottle off the shelf, something that looks more Vodka like than Tequila.  He says, "you're trying this.  It's great".  Then he quickly with just his eyes, not moving his head at all looks side to side to see if anyone is in ear shot or paying attention and says to me, "I'm fuckin' the rep".  I laugh.  I love his honesty and it's just so honest and like a guy to randomly blab about a sexual conquest.  He pours me the tequila, it's RiAzul, and it's really good.  Really smooth, flavorful but not too much bite or spicy.  It works.  And now I wanna see the rep.

After I finished the RiAzul he slid another glass of tequila in front of me, but at this point I was done.  I don't even remember what it was called and I know at some point I was even holding the bottle.   But I was cutting myself off.  I had just said something that wasn't "nice" to the girl sitting next to me and I was still conscious enough to call it a day.  I drank a lot.  I tasted a lot of good tequilas.  The only two I missed were the Avion, which you know from Entourage and Sino, which is new and kills it.  

I think I'm gonna go lay down.  I might actually still be drunk...

901 Tequila - www.901stories.com

Milagro Tequila - http://www.milagrotequila.com/

Peligroso Tequila - http://www.peligrosotequila.com/about.html

Frida Kahlo - http://www.dpsons.com/tequila/

Riazul Tequila - http://www.riazul.com/

Tequila Avion - www.tequilaavion.com 

Sino Tequila - www.sinotequila.com

Why 5 Guys? This burger didn't even please me, 1 guy...

FIVE GUYS BURGERS AND FRIES - http://www.fiveguys.com/home.aspx

Restaurants all over the Country

I went to the Carson Location 

20700 Avalon Blvd, Carson, CA 90746

310.515.7700

If you're familiar with In & Out then that's what you'll think of when you walk into a Five Guys Burgers and Fries.  The menu, burger styles and even the look of the restaurant, red and white tiles, is similar to In & Out.  In & Out and FatBurger are my two favorite fast food style burgers and I was hoping that Five Guys would blow them both out of the water.  

This didn't happen...

Five Guys offers four different options for burgers; Hamburger, Cheeseburger, Baconburger and Bacon Cheeseburger.  I went with the Bacon Cheeseburger and I had them put everything on it, but I dropped the grilled mushrooms and added Jalapenos.  I also went with the Cajun Fries.  

As I waited for my food I found that Five Guys serves Cherry Coke and that instantly put a smile on my face.  I don't drink soda, but I will always make an exception for Cherry Coke, possibly the best soda of all time next to Cactus Cooler.  

The walls of Five Guys are covered with newspaper, magazine clippings and zagat reviews from cities all over the country.  When a business puts up a review or two it's nice, but when they put up tons of them it makes me feel like they don't care what the guests think of the food because all these reviews justify them.  It also don't feel genuine when a chain posts a lot of write ups because it wasn't necessary this location that got judged.  

The burger and fries comes out served in a brown paper bag.  I didn't ask for it togo, it's just how it was served.  There were plenty of fries and the burger was wrapped in alluminum foil.  I tried the Cajun Fries before I unwrapped the burger and I was pleasently suprised.  They had spicy and great cajun flavors.  These fries were so much better than the bland dull fries that In & Out offers.

I unwrapped the burger.  The meal as a whole was over priced.  It's an In & Out style restaurant and my burger, which isn't big, fries and soda is about $11 dollars.  Too much for a place like this.  Looking at this meal, it's like an $8 dollar combo meal.  For $11 I could go to a sit down restaurnt with higher quaility ingredients and be waited on.

My favorite thing right off the back about Five Guys Burger is the gooey cheese and the doughy bun.  The bun is obviously a cheap nothing fancy bun, but it's super doughy, absorbing of the sauces and just tastes great.  The cheese is American, which is never my favorite but they put so much and it was so gooey that I was game.

I hated the meat patties.  They were thin fast food style patties that had been smashed down on the grill and cooked to a well done.  It even says above the registers that they cook all their burgers to well and juicy.  Well and Juicy doesn't make any sense.  If it's well and it's a thin patty it's not gonna be juicy and it wasn't.  It was as dry as post Metapasual Woman giving a lap dance.  

This burger was no In & Out and or $11 dollars I'll never go back to a Five Guys restaurant.  If the burger, fries and soda was about $8 then I'd happily go to Five Guys when I came across one and there was no Fatburger or In & Out near by.  

What Will People Fry Next? And Chocolate Dipped Bacon.

ORANGE COUNTY FAIR

I've enjoyed a lot of deep fried foods and most of my life I've believed the bible says that you can deep fry anything and it would be more amazing that in it's original form.  The best non standard food I've eaten deep fried are Oreos, Twinkies, Pulled Pork and S'mores.  Recently, I got to try some new fried foods at the OC Fair as well as something I can't believe I didn't think of long ago.

The Deep Fried Eskimo Pie.  I had high hopes for this, vanilla ice cream coated with chocolate then battered and deep fried.  It sounds like your mouth would be having multiple orgasms and maybe even induce squirting.  Honesty, I was very disappointed.  The batter was too thick, didn't have great flavor and it basically killed the Eskimo Pie.  The Eskimo Pie is tastier in it's original fashion.  

Then I saw Deep Fried Butter and I had all but forgotten about the Eskimo Pie.  I'm not sure what to think about this.  I was curious to taste it, but really, deep frying butter...  This had to be one of the stupidist things I've ever had.  The butter just melts upon deep frying, so basically you are just eating buttery batter.  It was pointless and not worth eating.

The last thing we tried wasn't exactly deep fried but it didn't matter.  Chocolate Covered Bacon should be stuffed in every Christmas stalking.  It should be fed to us on Sundays, at Thanksgiving Dinner and with every cocktail at every Happy Hour.  Basically, it should be available everywhere at all times.   We should all be indulging on Chocolate Covered Bacon on a regular basis.  It's everything that's great about chcolate and everything that's great about Bacon all rolled into one.  It's sweet then salty.  It melts and it's crunchy. 

I will be making this at home.  If you're lucky maybe you can be eating it at my home.

I definitely learned a lesson at the OC Fair, not everything is better deep fried, but most things are.

-LA Food God

New Small Town Bakery in Santa Monica

BITE BAR AND BAKERY - www.bitebar.com
3221 Pico Blvd, Santa Monica, CA 90405
424.744.8658
Tues-Sun 8am-3pm
Weekend Brunch  8am-3pm
Dinner Fri & Sat 5pm-10:30pm

There's a new small very warmly decorated bakery/cafe in Santa Monica that really impressed me last week. Bite Bar and Bakery is unassuming, not a traffic stopper but a place that you should really go out of your way to check out.  They focus on doing small plates and small baked goods but doing them with big flavors.  When it comes to food, unlike sex, size isn't so important.  And with food, when it's small you can try more.

I went for lunch, started with an Arnold Palmer, which was made with a lemonade that had the perfect balance of tart and sweet.  We ordered the "Word of Mouth", a chicken salad sandwich and the Steak Sandwich because they were sold out of the Toasted Crab Sandwich.  We added a side of the Summer Tomato Soup and Cajun Fries.

The Chicken Sandwich wasn't huge, but it wasn't as small as I expected either and it was really, really tasty and totally worth the $4.95 price.  It was a chunky chicken salad with touches of curry flavor giving it a nice unique taste.  The Cajun Fries were simple, but good and even better when dipped in the Chimmicurri Aioli (served with the steak sandwich), which was creamy, flavorful and amazing.  The soup was really tasty as well.  It was sweet, salty and the perfect amount of tomato acidity and something I would definitely order again.  My only complaint about the soup was it was a little thin.

The Steak Sandwich was served on a really nice and soft ciabatta bun and served as four small bite sized sandwiches.  The steak was cooked perfectly, it was tender and flavorful and the Chimmicurri Aioli really put it over the top.

If you're on the Westside and not Size Queen I'd definitely checkout Bite Bar and Bakery.  I tossed in some shots of the bite sized baked goods that they produce from scratch everyday.  I stayed strong and healthy and resisted the temptation...today.  However, I've heard from a trusty source that their Key Lime Pie is maybe the best anywhere.  The rest of these baked goods look pretty awesome.  I'll be back and I'll go prepared with the munchies.